It has been a week, and it is only Wednesday morning. My friend, Catherine and I started a podcast. An idea that came together while on one of our regular walks when we realized we have so much to say to the world! We released the first episode on Monday morning, and I am feeling so excited and proud to share this part of my journey. We took a risk, put it out there and know how vulnerable it is. It is terrifying. Thrilling! Yet at the same time, it feels so good because I feel like I am being my authentic, true self. And I have been getting such lovely feedback from people, which fuels my soul.
Brene Brown defines authenticity as “a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Being authentic allows for compassion, by demonstrating trust and allowing us to connect with others over shared experiences. This is what we are attempting with our podcast. I believe that when you begin to live more authentically, you start to recognize what you have to offer. Only then can we turn outward and express compassion. We aren't perfect, but it is a goal we can strive for everyday. I am so thrilled about this project.
Monday evening, we rode the wave of excitement. I listened to the first episode in bed with my kids, and they were so proud of me. They asked to be guest speakers at one point - so stay tuned! Tuesday morning, I was getting ready to record our second episode, when my son, Chase woke up sick. Fever, throwing up, diarrhea and sharp pains in his belly. I knew it wasn't Covid, and it was something different. This kid is tough and never wants to miss school. He tried to power through, but something told me there was more going on. Call it mother's intuition, if you will. I told Catherine to raincheck our recording session, and I brought Chase to the hospital, as the pediatrician recommended.
I knew there was something off about his symptoms simply because he couldn't stand up straight, and he was getting worse by the minute. When I touched his stomach, it was excruciating pain. It turns out, the belly pain he was experiencing was appendicitis, like I had thought. Fast forward, after spending a full day in the ER, he was admitted overnight for surgery on his appendix.
Evan spent the night with him, and he will have surgery this morning in an hour. I came home to be with the other two kids, who had no idea what was going on while they were at school. Thankfully, I was able to call on some awesome friends to help out and step in.
By the time I got home from the hospital in the late evening, my entire body was tense, sore and my head was screaming. In the past, I would have poured myself the BIGGEST glass of wine I could find. In fact, I probably would have taken the whole bottle to bed and wouldn't have been able to fall asleep without it. I was worried about Chase in the hospital, even though Evan was with him. I kept picturing his sad face crying when we told him what was happening to his little body. But instead of trying to avoid that, I breathed through the feelings last night. I took care of my other two children. I didn't drink and pretend it wasn't happening. I had a bath, relaxed my aching body and took care of myself. I fell asleep quickly and had a nice restful, sleep.
It is only Wednesday morning and it feels like I have experienced so many emotions in only a couple of days. I am all over the map. But I am here. I am feeling it all, and I am not running away from any of it.
